I always wondered what it would be like to baptize a baby and then to be around twelve or so years later for its confirmation journey.  I guess I now know a little bit of what that is like since a little over twelve years ago, in a little Presbyterian church, Kathryn and I placed our water soaked hands on our granddaughter’s forehead and I choked back tears as I said the words I had spent two days memorizing, “child of the covenant, you have been sealed by the Holy Spirit in baptism, and marked as Christ’s own forever.” Then, last weekend, it fell to me to be a chaperone on her church’s confirmation retreat to Lake Junaluska.

To be honest, I am not entirely sure how she felt about her Granddaddy coming along.  She did say, “awesome,” when I told her I was coming and she smiled every time I asked her to take a picture with me so I guess until I hear differently, I will assume she was completely overjoyed and wouldn’t have had it any other way, even if Meme had offered to come instead of me. OK, that is probably a push but since they needed a male chaperone, I win.  I’m guessing she picked up on how I was feeling about being there. Best. Weekend. Ever.

I tried to give her some space and not hover the whole time but I watched her like, well like a granddaddy watches a girl that he thinks hung the moon.  I watched with a full heart as she learned more about being a Christ follower and was introduced to words that I hope will become a vital part of her life: prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness. (The folks at Junaluska giving us a cool tee shirt with these words on the back will help)

As I followed along through the six workshops and four worship services it occurred to me that a tremendous amount of information comes at you during the confirmation process and it may take a while to process.  For me it can all be summed up as a simple conversation with God.  God says to us when we are baptized, “You are mine,” and when we are confirmed we say back, “Yes I am.” Then we spend the rest of our lives learning to live as God’s child.

As we live into all this, those words on the tee shirt: prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness are about as good as any I’ve run across to help keep us on the path.  Learning to pray, being there, paying attention, being generous in all we say and do, seeking to be helpful in all the ways we can, and being bold in Christ’s way of living is an assignment that can take your whole life.

Holy stuff and I got to see my granddaughter take some big steps along that sacred way. I am reminded of Jesus saying something about blessings being “a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing.”  Overflowing indeed.

I hope my girl doesn’t mind that I made this public. My hope is that when you read this you will catch a glimpse of how much I love her and how proud I am of her. Then perhaps you will think of someone you love and remember that love comes from God. The One who constantly says, “You are mine.”
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It feels a little out of sync that on a beautiful spring day I would be having autumn thoughts but more and more I am becoming convinced that there are particular seasons in one’s life and this forest dwelling Granddaddy is at the very least in the fall of life, perhaps early winter.  That is not a lament.  It is a thanksgiving.  It was a blessed spring and an exciting summer.  They set the stage for this current season but now the task is to be where I am and to receive the gift of the present.

A big part of that gift is that I am reestablishing my relationship with the little spring boy inside me.  He lived a less anxious, simpler life, taking each day as they came.  The planning, striving man of summer is becoming a fading memory.

But spring boy doesn’t see as a child anymore.  Autumn has changed him. He sees more widely and more deeply.  He is more aware of the vastness of life.

One way to say what I am trying to get across is that I am seeing old things in a new way.  A good example of this is the experience I had the other day.  Via a devotional email, I ran across a quote by Missy Buchanan, from her book, Aging Faithfully and it stuck with me.  She wrote, “Prayer and aging go hand in hand.  An active prayer life provides you a constant source of friendship.  Nothing is too insignificant or too overwhelming to tell your heavenly Father.  Walk closely with God and feel divine goodness all around you.”  Upon first glance, I didn’t think there was anything particularly ground breaking there. In fact, I think we covered it when we sang, “Jesus loves the little children” and “Jesus loves me this I know.”  But, in the autumn of life when loneliness and nagging anxiety can come calling a little more often than you would like, what could more assuring than simple reminders that Christ is present, offering companionship, and that every moment is sacred?

A deep peace comes with the autumn of life, if you allow it.  To experience this peace, it requires openness, an acceptance of what is, embracing mortality, and forgiving yourself for the hurts you caused others and yourself.  This can feel hard but it is actually done with the simplicity of a child.  Sort of like when I was a little boy and would get in a fist fight with one of the neighborhood boys; before our parents could work out the peace treaty we were starting a new game of baseball or hide and seek as if bloody noses and fat lips were nothing compared to the joy of playing with friends.

Forgiveness.  Not making a huge deal of it, simply forgiving yourself for being human and getting on with life. We might wish desperately to change the past but holding that wish too tightly is a surefire recipe for stuckness.

It is true that I have tried hard for some things I didn’t achieve.  I have failed in ways that hurt people who were dear to me.  I have thought I was going to die.  But, in the fall of life I see that these things were my greatest teachers and they have helped me to see more clearly in this present day; this autumn (early winter?) day that the Lord has made.

I am starting to see what Jesus was talking about when he spoke of dying to self.  I believe he was talking about the false self; the one that seeks badge upon badge in order to convince itself that it is worthy and winning.  I think when we let go of that imaginary life we are met by true life; true life that is marked by simplicity, mercy, and humility.

I am not knocking those other seasons, especially since as I write this, I can look out my window see new leaves starting their time in the sun.  I’m just saying that autumn has a gift and I receive it.