I’m not sure it’s a great idea to put all this out there, but here goes.

It stems from my wrestling with Jesus saying, “you shall be my witnesses” (Acts 1:8). Often, I feel like I’m coming up short.

Somehow along the way I got the idea that good witnesses were saintlike, paragons of virtue. Don’t think I’ve ever been described in those terms.

I like to play poker, drink beer, and the other night I said, “shit” when I lost a large pot. And, apparently I do that often. No one seemed surprised.

In some circles this would be more than enough to disqualify me. And for the record, my father would be very disappointed that I typed out and posted one of the above words.

Of course, I haven’t always been so earthy.

Long, long ago, I often checked the witness box. I handed out gospel tracks on busy corners, did a little street preaching, and even did a stint answering phones for a well known televangelist. As in, “call now for prayer, and maybe make a pledge.” I often asked folks if they wanted to pray a prayer that would get them in heaven. (Didn’t use those words, but that was the gist)

More recently, I’ve helped lead retreats on basic Christianity, prayed a good bit with folks who have trouble believing God can love them, and preached more than a few sermons on walking in The Way.

Now days, I am not planning my next street sermon, but I do love to talk with folks, especially doubters. Heavy on listening. And, if they want, I am blessed to pray with them. But I don’t push decisions.

I’ve come to believe it’s a journey, not a plunge. This makes me something of a disappointment to folks who excitedly tell me, “Betsy gave her heart to the Lord last night!”

I think that’s a good thing, sacred even. I just hope Betsy knows that it’s just one step in a long journey. I hope she knows her next step needs to be in a good direction. Even folks that ask Jesus into their heart can wind up in a place where it would have been better if they had remained a free agent. (see the a fore mentioned well known televangelist)

So, I guess I haven’t retired from witnessing. I try to be of service to folks needing a hand, I seek to be a peacemaker, and I don’t hide my love for creation, others, and Spirit. I try my best to walk in the way of Jesus, who loved, lived, and died to show us God.

All that felt like enough till I heard a sermon by a good pastor that made me feel like I may not be cutting it. He said that we are called to not only embrace the way “of” Jesus, but also the gospel “about” Jesus. In other words, who he was and is. The creedal stuff.

I’m going to give myself a passing grade on the way “of.” Not an A, but passing. That’s serving, making peace, and loving. The part about “about” makes me a little nervous.

I’m pretty sure I could still hand in a passing term paper on it. I actually have many, many times, and I often got an A. But, to tell the truth, I’m not sure the Jesus I see in the Gospels would sign off on it.

He talked a good bit more about doing than believing. In other words, walking in the way “of.” When he did talk about the “about” part, the part about who he was, he was clear that part didn’t mean a thing if not accompanied by doing, the way “of.”

Anyway, here’s my question. Is enjoying hanging out with folks, especially those that don’t see it like I do, being a part of their life, loving, serving, seeking peace, and not hiding my commitment to The Way enough? Is that witnessing?

Even if I keep playing poker, drinking beer, and cussing (though not as much out loud as I do in my head.)