When we moved into our cabin I knew exactly where I wanted my desk. It had to be in the loft, facing a window that looks out to the north.
The view through the window is the south side of our mountain. That includes a road where I sometimes see our neighbors, or maybe my wife and dog, taking a morning stroll. I can also see several huge rocks that were pushed around by continental shifts millennia ago. They remember when these mountains were the tallest in the world. There are couple thousand trees and of course, critters. Squirrels are common, as are crows, tufted titmouse, and cardinals. There have been sightings of box turtles, wild turkeys, and deer. There is evidence that a bear or two has passed this way. Sometimes, at night, I wonder about the wild cousins that I haven’t seen but I know they sneak by: the skunks, raccoons, and snakes. All that, plus a never ending sky that will sometimes send a thick cloud into our yard. It all reminds me why some call creation, “God’s first bible.” Like the psalmist says, it’s all telling the glory of God and proclaiming his handiwork.
On my side of the window, the top of my desk is covered with icons, spiritual mementos, pictures of family, and words that I have written to remind me that I am a child of the light. The books I am reading devotionally are there and they speak to me of God’s love and acceptance. When I’m sitting at my desk, sipping a good cup of coffee, it’s pretty easy to be a Christian.
Sometimes it feels so easy I do a little spiritual checkup just to remind myself that there may still be a spot or two in my heart that needs some work. It’s a pretty simple test. I just ponder that part of the prayer that goes, “your will be done.”
I’m afraid I almost always – by that I mean every time so far – feel a little hitch when it’s time to pray that. If I was going to pray honestly, and there’s really no reason not to, I would probably pray, “Thy kingdom come and for right now let’s just talk about what you have in mind concerning my life.”
Why do you suppose that is? I’m not sure there is an easy answer. Part of it is all that awesomeness outside my window makes God look pretty big and frankly a little wild, in others words, scary. I know that wanting to be in control plays a big part. I have some plans of my own. What if God wants me to go where I don’t want to go or do what I don’t want to do? A desire for comfort and my feelings of unworthiness also play a part. I am certain that a basic underlying fear of risk and change are part of the mix as well. But, why would I be afraid of the One who has gone to such great and amazing effort to say and prove that the nature of our Creator is love.
Think about it, love God – love neighbor – God is love – God so loved the world – I will never leave or forsake you – this is my commandment that you love as you have been loved – God saw creation and called it good – steadfast love – we are God’s own – surely goodness and mercy… you get the point. Still the hitch persists.
Thy will be done. Thy will be done. Thy will be done. Maybe if I say enough I will live it.